A Rant on Life!

Life presents itself in strange ways. Its dynamism is not hidden from any soul. It can be enriching as well as confusing. Often it leads you to a crossroad and leaves you in a dilemma. One dilemma which really intrigues me is the choice of being “good” or “bad”. I suppose this choice makes for an interesting tussle between the head and the heart.

A few of you would like to think – What kind of a crossroad is this! After all, have you not been brought up in such families where you have been preached virtues? At every little step in your life, be it your home, your classroom, your playground, your college or your company- you have been told to be either plain good or be good competitors. So this dilemma should be a cakewalk. Simple life, simple answer. Life, though, is complicated enough to put you in a fix at times.

 When a friend in office walks up to you and tells you in a concerned manner – “You should not be so naïve”, you know that person is not teaching you evil. It’s just that you should know that the reward for good work is more work. That if you are always truthful, you might end up getting used up by your boss while your other colleagues make merry. That it is an art to be fake at work. You know the meaning when the smarter crook gets promoted before the honest worker.

You might belong to that category who likes to be “liked” by “everyone”. As a result of this desire, have you ever felt torn apart because you had been put in a situation where you were being forced to choose sides? Have you ever been lonely and sad with a thought that all you wanted to do was to be simply good to everyone? If you have, you probably understand this dilemma. 

You might even belong to a category when you were once cheated upon by your friend with your beloved. Were you then brave enough to put your friendship above everything else? Or did your broken heart succumb to the temptation of pain and anger? Which path did you take? Did you become immortal at that stage of life or were you like the usual lesser mortals? You know the easy and the difficult way out, and you know the dilemma.

You might have probably heard this gem from a dear one – “You are too good for this world”. You wish this could be taken as the best compliment ever given to you. You wish you could go on cloud nine after listening to this. After all, being too good for this world should probably be license enough for you to be “the super achiever”. This, however, is just an indication that you are probably morally too correct and practically not what you are expected to be. Being “too good for the world” shows that there is way to go yet. Way to go where? To stoop down to the level of others? Towards a frightening darkness probably! A strange dilemma!

“I am taken for granted”, is probably the most common feeling which erupts right out of this dilemma. You might belong to that category that would never shy away from being a “giver”. At the same time, you, as a normal human being, would crave for love and attention You, however might get yourself into a situation when your goodwill is not getting reciprocated enough or not getting reciprocated at all. People start expecting you to be a perennial “giver”. This is where you might start to think –“Oh God! I am always being taken for granted. May be people think I am stupid”. At this stage, you might follow one of the two ways. One of them is the inception of this thought in your head-“When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. And that is my religion.” If you choose this, chances are you would end up getting used more often than not. Another way is to let this thought of being taken for granted flourish in your mind and you stop being a “giver”. You would then run the risk of being labeled as someone who is “no longer the same person” and in worse circumstances even a “jerk”. You would be surprised to see that public memory is very short. Confusing, is it?

This ranting from me could go on endlessly. I would not be taking sides here. I would rather leave you with this dilemma. I will let you decide whether the after-glow of doing something good and selfless or the satisfaction that flows from authentic giving and values, is worthy enough to match the actions which are motivated by self concern.  The ease with which you are able to sort this out is probably an indication of how simple or complicated your life is at this moment. Take your pick.  

About Myself!

It is funny that two people may have the same feelings about something, yet reach opposite conclusions. What keeps someone out of the vast ocean may draw someone towards it. This is the “Unknown” I am talking about. Quite often, I got repelled by the element of uncertainty associated with the “Unknown”. This time though, I chose to make an exception to my policies. That is why; I landed in Pune on a glittering Diwali night. I was received by a friend of my father, who, quite fitting to the situation I had met for the first time.

I was not sure whether my love affair with the “Unknown” would last. I accept that my decision was probably based on emotion rather than logic. When I say emotion, I unfortunately mean negative emotions here. These negative emotions were the product of 3 and ½ years of Manipal. Then, I had definitely not paid heed to the age old saying “Do not put all your eggs in one basket”. What had followed Manipal was an extremely painful and distressing 6 months in Noida .I had writhed in pain, anger and disappointment .It was one place where perhaps I made a fool of myself every single day. The simple yet important lesson of life got planted in my head – “Every man for himself”.

As I left Noida, rejected in both my professional and personal life, my first tryst with the Unknown had already been setup. This was the God’s own country. I do not know if it was the result of my low expectations or what, but things started falling in place remarkably well. The kind of attention I got there was something similar to my school days when I used to be the toast of every eye. It was hardly a month into my stay at Trivandrum when I had the foresight that this is going to flourish into the “Best Season” of my life. Not long ago I had a “Reason” in life. A Reason which was there to aid me emotionally and spiritually. However, true to its nature, a reason is supposed to depart at an inconvenient time to leave you alone. I was lucky that it was followed by this season. This was a season filled with joy and laughter. This was the season to grow and laugh. This was one season where I fell completely in love with myself. Like never before.

This Season was the one reason I fell in love with the Unknown. I chose Pune. As I started my journey in Pune, I saw people who precisely knew why they were here. I, however, had no idea why I was in Pune. A friend of mine recently pointed it out to me that it takes years to foster a healthy bonding, a bonding which is above the realms of demand and supply. Agreed. I accept that for me, an emotional void might be here to stay for long. I, however, believe that in this race of life, even the best car needs a pit stop. That pit stop often goes a long way in defining how you run and finish the race. Pune is my pit stop. I have often tried to be in total control of my life only to fail in the end. Life is too dynamic to be controlled.  Sometimes it is vital to let life take its course. It has a tendency to throw unpleasant as well as pleasant surprises. Face the unpleasant ones with courage, so that when the pleasant ones arrive, may be from the past, may be from unexpected appreciations, and may be from somewhere close by, you are ready to cherish those, as I might be doing now J . You never know when  the series of lasts might make way to the series of firsts .